1) “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey
This is the most ubiquitous university song ever but it’s seriously lame. I guess we love it because it captures all the hope and spirit of youth, but by your second semester of first year at school should have made you jaded enough to realize that there is no hope and this song is a lie.
2) Anything by Notorious B.I.G.
If you are in university, you probably spend a significant amount of time reading and studying. Don’t even pretend you can relate to “Gimmie the Loot.” You can’t.
3) Anything Girl Talk
What’s cooler than having Greg Gillis mashing up a bunch of songs from different genres for your next party? Putting a little effort into making your own playlist! Don’t be lazy, a Girl Talk song only sounds good so many times.
4) “Roxanne” by The Police
I don’t despise this song, but if you’ve ever tried to play the “Roxanne” drinking game you’ll know it’s impractical - Sting says Roxanne way too many times and you end up spilling the shots all over your outfit and looking like a drunken hobo for the rest of the night. With all the repetitive pop music out there I wish we could find an easier drinking song.
5) “Let Me Clear My Throat” by DJ Kool and “Engine Number 9” by Fat Man Scoop
They’re pretty much the same song and often get remixed together. The lyrics are about absolutely nothing and are painfully cliched when you think about them while sober. “Can I get a whoo whoo” and “Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up,” make me fear for the composer’s articulacy.
Honourable Mention: “Paper Planes” by M.I.A. I like M.I.A. despite her ubiquity and her whole Jay-Z style announcement that she’s retiring. But McGill kids: you may live in a “ghetto” but you can not pull off the firing shots into the air with your hands dance move during this song’s bullet round chorus. If you don’t already regret doing this you soon will.
Canadians have a strange relationship with celebrity: when they’re within our borders, we like them humble and bland, like our cute-but-boring Much Music VJs. But when they go beyond our borders in search of greater success, like Mike Myers, we call them traitors. Shinan Govani, arguably Canada’s first real gossip columnist, is trying to change that. In his National Post column, he regularly chronicles the dirty secrets of Canadian nobility (yes, we have that, their name is Weston), as well as the exploits of foreign celebrities who stop by.
Govani’s column has sparked my interest in the otherwise undocumented Canadian elite, so I was quick to purchase his first novel, Bold Face Names, when it came out this August. It follows the story of Govani’s alter-ego, Ravi, a suave, vertically-challenged gossip columnist based in Toronto. At a party at a manor belonging to an incarcerated member of Canadian nobility (a thinly-veiled cover for Govani’s former employer, newspaper baron Conrad Black), Ravi is blackmailed into a mysterious mission of mentoring an at-risk socialite. As he tries to steer her away from the path of the Lohans and Hiltons of the world and toward respectability, his mission takes him around the world, with stops in places like Dubai, London and Montreal.
Govani keeps his writing fast and light, with extensive (but tastefully-placed) exclamation marks throughout (“I see! I hear!”). His allusions to pop culture icons both past and present illustrate the depths of his knowledge of just about everyone. It’s not uncommon to find him discussing Mary Pickford and Seth Rogen in a single paragraph. Although he shies away from naming names where serious dirt is concerned, the guessing game is just as fun. I’m still scratching my head over the “MTV VJ, said to be not so shabby in the saddle, even though he was said to have “wildly unkempt” nether regions.”
Overall Bold Face Name is a fun and fast-paced caper that will also serve as a crash-course in Canada’s who-who. You can also check out Govani’s column, for a more tasteful and Canadian-focused alternative to the Perez Hiltons of the gossip scene.
